it's odd, but...

[etoiline]

I think this is the first time that I've ever wanted an experiment not to work. If any of you read my regular journal you might remember the tragic experiment of April 5, when I got absolutely no result whatsoever. Of course, panicking, I called the company who, aside from telling me that the particular kit was among the first of a lot, basically told me that it was probably my fault. I, being the pragmatic and meek person that I am, couldn't say for certain 100% that I hadn't made a mistake; I was busy that day, so it's possible that I slipped up. But I don't think I did, which is the problem. They did their work over at the company and of course it worked for them; I did some extra tests and one worked and one didn't, but it's possible that the one that didn't acted so because of something messed up in the prep. So today I test the leftover reagents, prepare them carefully, and see what happens, since the thing I'm hoping is the problem really can't be tested without running the entire experiment over again. Luckily with only a few samples, but it's still a waste of time, energy and resources. Ah well. At least I won't be late for class.

I just dread either a) it working and me trying to figure out what the hell went wrong the first time (which, after two weeks, I don't think I'll figure out) or b) it not working, and feeling vindicated, but guilty about feeling vindicated. I have to admit I'm leaning more toward a) as being the more likely choice, but that makes me feel awful, since the test is expensive and that means we'd have to buy another one (or two, actually, as this kit had two tests in it, but with the extra testing to see what went wrong I don't know if there'll be enough to actually do another actual test). I mean, it's not like they can take my job away from me twice, but I want the work I do at the end to reflect well on me so people feel like giving me good recommendations.

Sigh. So I don't know whether to hope that it works or it doesn't.

And I really hate that it's slowly creeping towards May and I don't even have any interviews set up. I've sent off resumes to two outside companies, but there are a few jobs over on the hilltop campus that I'd like to see about, but unfortunately the guy who delivers mail is off this week and I don't think my transfer app went out. Perhaps I'll just have to sneak it out of the campus mail bin and try to remember to put it in the box when I go over to the hilltop campus for class tonight. sigh. Why can't things ever be easy?

[ETA: so one of the resumes I sent off came back because the email recipient doesn't exist. Lovely. Come on, people, update your site!]

Comments

[supergirlhero.livejournal.com]

I hope you get the result that is best under the circumstances.